Feb.8

Well, I just finished putting more pics of Tom here and it sucked just as bad as the other time. I really wanted to show Tom and his crew. Russ, Tonya, Randy, Kelli, Doug, Mike, Connie, Aubry are still kind enough to let me run with them. Tom loved getting together with all of them and partyin or play pool or poker. His entire crew is full of characters that really enriched his life and mine. There was never a deficit of laughter when they were all together. The last time they invited me out the song "So Far Away" by Nickelback came on the radio as I was driving to the restaraunt. I couldn't help think that Tom was wishing he was going to be there with us. For those of you that don't know, that was one of the songs Tom picked out for his funeral. He told me to think of him every time I heard it and I am cursed to do so forever. I cry EVEY time. I wish I had better pics of Tom. Please, please take lots of pictures of yourself and of all your loved ones. You never know when you won't get anymore.

Feb, 6th

O.K. I am a sloth. I did not, repeat did not work out today. You want to know the reason why? Well, because I didn't want to walk in the snow to the gym. I know I only have to walk one block but it was so yucky out thatI decided to DRIVE and do errends. There you have it, I am lazy. Not so much lazy just worried about my comfort. Lol. Anyway, I plan on "hitten it hard" tomorrow. I neglected to tell you all that I took the kids to a concert Monday night. We went to go see Casting Crowns. It was so good. If you are not familiar with their music you need to check them out, even if they are not your usual genre you just may love them. Last night I must tell you Kaitlin cooked dinner all by herself. She made a roast and it was great. Now, it was a very easy recipie: one can of cream of mushroom soup, one envelope of onion soup and a can of pop. Then just bake for 2 1/2-3 hours at 350. Sounds sick I know but it rocks. It makes the BEST gravy ever. Try it sometime. Also, am I the only person who really doesn't care this time around about any of the presidential candidates? I honestly don't like any of them. Hmm. I think I should run for office.

I think I may just die

OMG. I think I may just die. I started my workout yesterday after almost 3 months off. For those of you that don't know, I have lifted weights (free weights, not those girly machines) since around 1999. Oh my, I can't lift my arms, it is really funny to see me try to lift my coffee cup to my lips. I sort of stretch my lips out as far as I can and dip my head toward the mug. The entire time I am making a sound like "Ouugh". I can't take a large breath my ribcage hurts so much from my situps. I swear, I will never take that long off EVER. My goal is 40 more pounds this year. I am going back to Mustang Island to see my Kevin and Robin so I have to get beach ready. Not to mention I hate having a "muffin top" over my jeans. I am not so much hungry as I am in so much pain I don't think I could lift a fork to my lips anyway. I have to use my left arm to lift my right arm to scratch my left shoulder. Oh why oh why did I ever let myself get fat I wonder. I also started back at using the stairs at the city building every morning, that is 6 flights of stairs every morning. Three months ago I could jog up the stairs and not even break a sweat. Yesterday I thought my lungs were going to burst out of my body. Oh well.

Feb. 2nd and this sucked.

Putting all those pics of Tom here really sucked more then you will ever know. I have sat and cried the entire time. Goodness I MISS MY MAN! I think the only other thing that would suck as bad as having your husband die is to have a child die. I am changed forever, good or bad that is it. I am different and my life will never be what it was before. I hate not being able to talk to him. Oh people say you can still talk to him, but you can't. It is just words spoken out loud if you can't converse with someone. I hate not being able to share things about the kids with him. Kaitlin's grades suck and I can't tell him, I can't get any help from him, he will never hold me and tell me things will be o.k. as long as we have each other, because we don't have each other any more. Sure, I have a new love but not Tom. Mike can't take his place, just make a new place, and he knows that. So there it is, my tribute to Tom.