Christmas Eve

I am as giddy as a little kid. I didn't get to go to Christmas Eve at my in-law's last year because I was sick. Most of Tom's family I only see at this get together so I really missed out on quite a bit. We had a new baby born that I didn't even know about until the gift exchange list came out and I had the new baby's name to buy for. My nephew moved back home with Mom to get a leg up on finances, and a neice moved back here from Kansas City. I wasn't clear that she was even in Kansas City to begin with. Wow. I am an awful relative. I don't keep up with Tom's family the way I should. I do check out my neice and nephew's myspace so I sort of know what is going on with them, as for the rest, I am totaly ignorant of their lives. I don't feel as guilty as you might think. My Tom didn't really keep up with his family either. When he did, he didn't relay any information on to me, so I was ignorant when he was alive also.
To be sure, I enjoy all of them. I have been blessed with wonderful in-laws and wouldn't want anyone to think otherwise. Many of the young girls are so interesting and fun to talk to. When I am driving home I always think "Wow, why don't I talk to them more" because I have so much fun conversing with them all. So the blame lies withen me, I admit it. I don't call and don't visit with them like I should.
The point to all this is, in a very few hours we will be heading out the door to make the drive to Hutch to see them all, and I do mean all. My Mother-in-law doesn't ask for anyone to visit her except on Christmas Eve. To miss that is the quickest way to be excomunicated from the family. I have only missed twice, once because I was recovering from a major surgery and last year, I was puking up my guts. I do anticipate the visit, however I hate the drive. Ever since Tom died I have a hard time making the drive. I usualy cry all the way there and all the way back. The first year was the worst. I missed his presence so much it made me ill. Even though I an engaged to the most wonderful guy in the world that loves me beyond measure, I miss Tom. I am sure that will never go away, it has gotten easier, but won't leave me. Until you loose your spouse you won't understand. It is not like divorce where you severe the relationship, then move on. The relationship was not broken, or discarded, it was taken away entirely. Even though you move on, a part of you stays anchored in the past, unable to move away. Your love for the person doesn't leave you.
On a happier note, I wish all of you a wonderful Christmas. I wish you lots of fa la la la la's and much mistletoeing. I hope you swoon from the scent of fudge and peppermint. I hope you eat so much chex mix your lips feel shriveled up from all the salt in it. I hope that one crazy relative gets on your last nerve and it is enough to last you until next year. I hope your livingroom floor is a mess Christmas morning and your trash can is overflowing until the trash men show up and save you. I hope you remember to read Luke second chapter and revel in the awsomness of Christ's love for us. Merry Christmas loved ones, AW